How I woke up…

In my previous post, I shared the philosophy which forms the basis of this site and my work. For my next three posts, I’m going to share with you my own experience of the awakening process and the changes which this has brought to my life, to demonstrate how this works in practice and also perhaps to demonstrate that I practise what I preach! I would love to hear your personal awakening stories so feel free to leave a comment or contact me via the link in the right hand corner of the screen.

Growing up as a HSP (highly sensitive person) and empath in a culture which frowned upon any emotional display was a traumatic, confusing and demoralising experience. Any expression of anger, sadness, fear or indeed, any emotion construed as ‘negative’ (however justified that emotional reaction may have been) was immediately stamped on and derided. Being an empath, I also had the problem of picking up on everyone else’s repressed emotions yet had no outlet for this maelstrom of feelings which conspired to make my inner life very intense and distressing (and later resulted in some very unhealthy acting-out).

As an extremely bright child, there was also huge pressure on me to conform to a particular life path – stay on at school and get good A levels, go to university and get a 1st class degree then have a financially successful career. Taking time out to explore the world and find myself after school – something which I desperately needed to do – wasn’t even an option.

Consequently by the time I reached adulthood, I was stumbling around in the dark with no idea of who I really was or what I really wanted or needed. Years of repression and suppression meant that I’d completely lost sight of my authentic self. I can remember looking at my wardrobe full of clothes – none of which were of the same style and all of which were trying to convey a particular image – and wondering ‘which of these outfits is really me?’. I tried different careers and different courses, moved house several times and lived in different cities, made new friends and started new relationships but nothing seemed to fill that gap where my authentic self should have been.

I continued struggling to follow a path which had been prescribed for me by other people and society’s expectations and had very little to do with who I really was until finally, in April 1995, everything changed. Though it felt like some kind of wondrous miracle had occurred, with hindsight I was able to recognise the series of encounters, opportunities and synchronicities which lead to my awakening at this time:

* I’d tried every possible way to make the path I was on work but it simply wouldn’t gel for me. By April 1995, I’d literally reached the end of the line and was primed and ready for a momentous change.

* In the previous couple of months, I’d encountered a rather enigmatic character who came into my life for a very short time and vanished almost as quickly as he arrived. He was something of a free spirit who lived on a combination of his wits and his creativity, and he inspired me to start thinking outside the box and recognise that there was another way beyond the one I’d been programmed to believe was the only route.

* On 10 April 1995, I lost my job. This was an early instance of manifestation for me – it was a beautiful sunny day which felt to me like the first day of summer, and as I walked to work, I wished with all my heart that I didn’t have to go and waste my day doing that dreadful job. Half an hour later, I was walking back home, having been laid off the minute I arrived.

* Having manifested this opportunity, I now began to contemplate taking a break from the rat-race to explore the other options that were out there. However I was nervous about stepping off the path – I’d been indoctrinated to believe that the path I was on was the only one to follow and that any other choice would be foolhardy. I was also concerned about what I would do for money without a regular wage. About a week after I’d lost my job, I’d arranged to see an old schoolfriend. This friend lived a life which seemed anathema to me, stuck in a dull marriage and a dull job, and the thought of ending up in the same position as her, however safe it might be, filled me with horror. In a wonderful piece of synchronicity, this friend arrived on my doorstep at the exact same time as the post arrived – with a completely unexpected prize cheque for £100 from a premium bond gifted to me by my grandfather 25 years earlier. The message to me seemed loud and clear – the universe was letting me know that if I took the plunge and diverged from the safe but dull path (the one which my friend was trapped on), the money would come.

* The day I lost my job, I met a man who had just moved into a house across the road from me. I ended up dating him for a while and he introduced me to the world of spirituality, which until that point, I had rejected in favour of what I believed was a more ‘realistic’ view of life. I began to realise that there was more to spirituality than organised religion and eagerly began to explore this new world which had just opened up before me.

* Even though I knew I didn’t want to take yet another ‘crap job’, I still wasn’t sure what it was I actually wanted to do. To remedy this, I signed up for counselling at a local employment and learning advice centre. Though I initially attended because I felt that I was at a crossroads in terms of my career, the experience was far more intense and in depth than I imagined it would be and turned out to be the first step on a lifelong personal development journey which would completely transform my life.

The counselling helped me to recognise that what I really wanted to do was write so I decided to take a sabbatical from the rat-race and spend a few months working on a novel. The experience was a revelation – I had never felt so fulfilled and so free. And that summer, somthing truly amazing happened. For the first time in my life, I had a strong sense of inner peace which ran alongside an equally strong feeling of being ‘at one with the universe’. People who met me at that time told me that I literally glowed – my inner radiance was literally flowing from me – and I effortlessly drew people of all ages to me wherever I went.

I also remember feeling really comfortable in my own skin – the only words I can find to describe it is a ‘humble confidence’. Though I felt confident about myself, it felt different to an ego-driven confidence and I now recognise that it was because this confidence emanated from the depths of my soul.

The other really strong – and at that time, completely unfamiliar – feeling I remember having was a complete loss of fear. Nothing fazed me anymore, not even the thought of death. In fact, I couldn’t understand why anyone would be scared of death as I knew without a doubt that it wasn’t the end of everything, but that we simply moved on to another plane.

I wrote in my previous post that I belive that often we’re given a taste of the awakened life to show us how life could look if we were free from our baggage, whether it’s the stuff imposed upon us via our environment or stuff we’ve amassed ourselves. This initial awakening experience is just the beginning and in my next post, I’ll share with you the transformational process which awakening triggered and which proved to be a bumpier – and ultimately more enlightening – ride than I would ever have expected.

Have you experienced an awakening? If you’d like to share your story with myself and others or have any questions about the process, please leave a comment below.

What goes on in an Empathic Guidance session? Pt 2: A dream is interpreted

In part two of ‘What goes on in an Empathic Guidance session?’,  (part one here) Matt reveals in detail the empathic dream interpretation I did for him which proved very enlightening for him with regards to his personal development and potential stumbling blocks within his psyche…

Inner Simplicity with Empathic Guidance

by Matthew Fry

http://www.pixelsforpeace.com/Other/Empathic_Guidance.html

http://inspirationhub.net/2011/03/inner-simplicity-with-empathic-guidance/

So, let me introduce you to Sharon, the brilliant, the fabulous, the very insightful Empathic Guide….

“Here are some notes for you from our session on Monday which may be useful for you to look back on. I’ve particularly concentrated on the dream which we discussed as I think there was a lot of useful insights into your psyche in there, which I hope you’ll find useful.

In the dream, you are sitting by an indoor swimming pool, practicing yoga. You are aware of a man being there who you have a flirtatious interaction with, and you know there’s a sexual attraction between you, but you cannot remember any details about him. You are also concerned because you think you haven’t got enough money to pay for the yoga session. However, a song is played and this helps you to relax and recognize that actually everything will be fine.

The dream then cuts to you being chased by a man – again, a shadowy figure who you can’t actually describe, other than you feel that he’s about your age. As you’re running from him, you jump over some people who are giving out yoga leaflets, before rushing into a house. Your dad and younger brother (aged about 5 or 6) are in the house, and you say that your dad either ignores you or doesn’t see you. You go into a room – which has a dog in it – and you hide in the room. Once in the room you feel safe.

I feel that the first part of the dream is about your spiritual self (the yoga) – maybe something about you successfully integrating it with your emotional self? Water in dreams represent emotions and though the water in the dream is ‘safe’ (an indoor pool) and calm, suggesting serenity, it is also in a manmade environment, which implies perhaps that emotionally you are still being influenced by society to some extent – feeling how you think you should feel rather than allowing your authentic feelings to show? You’re also sitting by the pool rather than diving in so maybe there’s also a fear of taking the plunge in terms of integrating the spiritual and emotional aspects of your self. Do you also maybe have concerns that a sexual partner may struggle to accept your spiritual self? That a superficial relationship would be ok but that anything deeper – more emotional – might lead to rejection? (hence the flirting at the side of the pool but not in it).

The man who you have a flirtation with is also interesting, as you were unable to describe the ‘shadowy’ male figure who was chasing you. You said in our session that you are nervous about speaking to men – that you’ve chosen to work with women as you are wary about speaking to a man. I think this perhaps signifies an ambivalent relationship with men, perhaps due to your distant relationship with your father and maybe also related to your feelings about your sexuality.

The concern about having enough money to pay could signify two things – 1) your concerns about being able to pay your way if you follow a spiritual path and 2) your concerns about actually paying for things which will help you progress on your spiritual path. However, when a song is played (did you know what the song was?) you relax and you realise that everything will be ok, which correlates to something I said to you in our first session about  ‘the money will come’. And of course, you have resolved the problem about paying for mentors to help you on your spiritual path

It’s also interesting that it’s a song which relaxes you – this could relate to your dream of being a DJ or could mean that it’s through creativity that you make your living. It would be great to know what the song actually was, as this could reveal even more about this!

The dream then skips to you being chased by an unknown man – you do know that he’s your age though, so I wonder if he’s your ‘masculine’ self which you feel uncomfortable with and are trying to flee from? You have to jump over the people giving out the yoga leaflets, which ties this in with the first part of the dream. Again, perhaps something about a struggle integrating the masculine side of your self with the more feminine spiritual aspects of your self? Male figures are a dominant feature of this dream so there seems to be a strong message that this is about your masculine side fighting for attention, despite your attempts to avoid it.

Houses represent you and different rooms represent different aspects of yourself. I’m not sure if you specified any rooms, though I think maybe you said you hid in a bedroom? When you ran into the house your father and younger brother were there. You say that your father either ignored or didn’t see you, which reflects the ambivalent – and mostly absent – relationship you have had with him. Your internalised father (we all have internalised versions of our parents who offer judgments on us – for example, many people have a ‘critical parent’ voice offering negative judgements on their actions) seems to be a distant figure, similar to the other shadowy male figures, showing a disconnection with your masculine side.

If we look, then, at how you relate to the men in this dream, they reflect how you relate to different men in the waking world – sexually, with fear and feeling invisible around them.  However the positive aspect is the appearance of your younger brother. I feel that he represents your masculine self in its burgeoning form – that this side of you is beginning to develop. As I said on the phone, the masculine side of yourself is the ‘doing’ side, the side which interacts with the world in an assertive, active way, and the logical, analytical side whereas your feminine side is the nurturing, creative, spiritual side. In other words, as an example, your feminine side dreams up the ideas but you need to have an active masculine side to get them out there!

In the last part of the dream, you run into a room where you say you hide and feel safe. You’re hiding from a man yet you’re doing this in a house which clearly already contains men – so you feel safe with some aspects of your masculinity, just not enough to put them out there yet, perhaps? I think you mentioned that there was a dog in the room too, which represents loyalty, friendship and is therefore possibly another symbol of feeling safe, welcome, reassured (although I don’t think we discussed much about the dog and what type of dog it was, whether it was a dog you knew etc).

Was it a bedroom you hid in? And did you go upstairs? Downstairs represents your baser urges, the more animal aspects of yourself, and also aspects of the unconscious (the ‘unconscious’ parts of your masculine self, perhaps) but upstairs represents your higher self (no prizes for guessing that!) so if you felt safer upstairs, this is of course because you feel more comfortable with the more spiritual aspects of yourself. A bedroom could also represent the fact that you do feel reasonably comfortable with your sexuality but still feel the need to hide parts of yourself relating to this from the outside world. (I know you said that you went to Australia to feel completely free about your sexuality in a non-judgemental environment).

So I think that perhaps due to the ambivalent relationship you have with your dad, who you described as very masculine and mostly absent from your life, and because you were brought up by your mother, a very independent woman who manifests a number of traits usually (unfairly) associated with men (eg she’s the breadwinner, lives alone and does not need to live with a partner, very assertive), and because you are a sensitive, spiritual person who is sexually attracted to men (all traits traditionally(but again unfairly) associated with women and the opposite of your dad), you have become confused as to how to express the masculine aspects of yourself. I think this dream is representative of that struggle. Your inner ‘man’ is still in ‘child’ form – but he’s still there and just waiting for you to give him the chance to grow up!

When we spoke about your father, there was a lot of vagueness around his role in your life and your understanding of how he feels about you, and why you didn’t see much of him.  As I said, this correlates with the shadowy, unclear and distant male figures (including your dad) in your dream. So maybe we could do some work around healing your feelings towards your father – or perhaps uncovering them, as I’m wondering if your positive spiritual outlook on life is preventing you from accepting or acknowledging any negative feelings you may have? It’s really important to be aware of and embrace our shadow side as otherwise it will manifest itself in other ways, perhaps in other people’s attitude towards us or our own negative behaviors. If we embrace it, we can then change the bits we don’t like and channel the bits we do in positive directions – for example, anger can be used as fuel to achieve all kinds of things, or grief can be used to make positive changes in the world (I wrote more about this in my meaning of life blog). Ultimately, though, I think for us to live an authentic life, it’s really important for us to deal with our past emotional and psychological ‘baggage’ as we can then see ourselves and the world much more clearly, without the influence of parents, peers or society. (more on this in my de-cluttering blogs – link is to final part of this series as I feel this is most pertinent, but might be worth reading the other parts too.)

I’ll leave it there for now – I hope these notes have been helpful for you, Matt, and I hope they make sense, there’s quite a bit of ‘stream of consciousness’ stuff in there! But lots to reflect on too, I think

*WOW!!* I was speechless!!! Yes, LOTS to reflect on. Phenomenal!
Sharon’s analysis of my dream is heartfelt, all-embracing, perceptive and meticulously detailed. It offered me the invaluable gifts of an immense dose of clarity triggering profound and far-reaching expansion of my consciousness and awareness, inevitably leading to a greater freedom, deeper healing and a heightened sense of Inner Simplicity.

You can always find the sun within yourself if you will only search.

~ Maxwell Maltz

As she writes on her charming website www.empathicguidance.co.uk “Never before has there been a better opportunity for you as an individual and us as a society to embrace a simpler and ultimately more positive way of life. Inner Simplicity is about freeing yourself from all your internal and external baggage – the way you feel you should be, those things you feel you should have – and living the life you were truly born to live.”

Sharon is the Empathic Guide, being the developer of the Empathic Guidance approach. She has over eleven years experience as a qualified counsellor (BACP), certified dream analyst and advice worker, with over two decades of accumulated personal development knowledge. She is also the owner of the wise and wonderful Inner Simplicity blog, ‘Soulful Musings’, a soulful yet grounded blog which offers a variety of personal development and emotional healing tips, advice on how to improve your relationships and live a simpler and more fulfilling life, insightful quotes and anecdotes to revitalise mind, body and spirit, reviews of useful books, websites, services and much, MUCH more. I highly recommend bookmarking it now for your regular dose of Inner Simplicity inspiration – Sharon is simply a fountain of knowledge and wisdom.

If, like myself, you are yearning for greater clarity in your life, or perhaps have a dream that is calling out to you for deeper interpretation, then sincerely I encourage empowering yourself with Empathic Guidance by beginning the journey of transformational, lasting and positive change with Sharon. She is amazing, fabulous, and a pure joy to connect with. As you can see she is incredibly gifted and her services are also very affordable. I truly believe you would come to view the experience as a miracle and an extraordinary blessing in your life, as I have ) I’m honoured to be in this circle of love, this resonant field of beauty and joyous co-creation!! I love you! ♡

Live the life you love, love the life you live!

~ Bob Marley

If this has inspired you to book an Empathic Guidance session yourself, check out the details on my main site here

What goes on in an Empathic Guidance session? Pt.1: A client reveals all…

Recently I’ve been working with a wonderful young man called Matt who I first encountered on Twitter. Matt went through an awakening experience back in July 2006 and after going through the ‘dark night of the soul’ which so often follows an awakening, he transitioned quite naturally to a more authentic and positive place. However, he still felt that there were a couple of areas which he needed to gain clarity in and so to this end, he put out a request to the Universe for a coach or mentor who might be able to assist him on his journey of discovery.

I was more than happy to oblige and have been working with Matt now for several weeks. I have to say that his positivity and enthusiasm for the work we do is infectious and I really enjoy our weekly Skype conversations. And as is always the way of these things, I feel I’m probably learning as much through him as he is through me!

As part of his learning curve, Matt is documenting his progress and part of this involves writing about our Empathic Guidance sessions. Here is the first of these which he published on his own website (links below) and which I thought may be of interest to anyone considering investing in a few Empathic Guidance sessions themselves. This particular session focussed on a dream which Matt had – we discussed this during the hour then I added further insights in the follow-up notes which I always send after the session has taken place, as I feel they’re a positive additional aid to the client’s personal development.

In this post, Matt talks about our introduction and in part two, he reproduces the notes which I sent him containing a detailed dream interpretation.

Inner Simplicity with Empathic Guidance

by Matthew Fry

http://www.pixelsforpeace.com/Other/Empathic_Guidance.html

http://inspirationhub.net/2011/03/inner-simplicity-with-empathic-guidance/

For anyone who has joined me on this awesome adventure of awakening and has been following my journey thus far, you would have been aware that in January, around the time I celebrated my 24th birthday, I wrote a post titled “Infinite Possibilities” exploring the idea that there might be someone within my amazing social network whom would like to coach, guide or mentor me. The response to that post was astounding and I am deeply humbled that so many people came forward showing interest. One of those incredible people was Sharon Simpson “The Empathic Guide” and WOW, to say that Sharon has been a blessing in my life is a massive understatement…

As Sharon writes on her Twitter bio: “Empathic Guidance creates empathy and equality in our lives through increased self- and other-awareness. Join me and help to make our world a better place.”

Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other’s eyes for an instant?
~ Henry David Thoreau

In my first chat with Sharon I experienced the great miracle that Thoreau proposed. We seemingly picked up from where we had left off in some other lifetime, because the openness, sharing and deep sense of connection was so profound it truly felt to me as though we had known each other for a very, very long time. There was a high level of resonance and intuitive intimacy between us as well as a recognition of many parallels between our lives and awakening experiences which allowed for an exciting and thoroughly enjoyable unfolding. As our conversation came to a close I will never forget the Skype call-time clocking in at 44:44 – a synchronistic shout-out from the universe that there was something magical brewing. I was ecstatic when Sharon shared her mutual delight and recounted her own experiences with number sequences, at which point we both felt the tickling shiver that comes with goosebumps – or godbumps as I like to call them hehe – another awesome confirmation that we were at the right place at the right time. I came away from our first conversation literally bouncing around the house bursting with energy and enthusiasm. In an email the next day Sharon pointed me to a wonderful post she had written about number sequences, adding that:

“444 can relate to mastery and empowerment and there’s also this explanation by Doreen Virtue:

444 — Thousands of angels surround you at this moment, loving and supporting you. You have a very strong and clear connection with the angelic realm, and are an Earth angel yourself. You have nothing to fear—all is well.”

And so with universal blessings, we adventured on together, holding hands in the heart, setting out on a deep and wonderful healing voyage of discovery for which I am eternally grateful…

Empathic Guidance is a unique intuitive healing approach which can transform your life and empower you, leading to lasting positive change. As an empath, Sharon is very sensitive to energy, giving her the ability to intuit thoughts and feelings, and allowing her to fully experience, support and understand each person she works with. When she works with you, she tunes into your energy directly and guides you using the empathic feelings and thoughts which arise from the connection.

My first empathic guidance session with Sharon was in early February. During our previous connection Sharon had asked me whether I dreamed, to which I responded that I do dream, but not very often, and that I hardly ever remember my dreams upon waking. She then assured me that after becoming conscious of this and discussing dreams with her, it was highly likely that I would now begin to remember my dreams. The seed was planted in my consciousness and it was a prophetic moment; ever since I have been waking up each morning remembering many more details about my dreams and on one occasion, still half-asleep, I tapped in a dream-stream of ‘unconsciousness’ saving it as a note on my phone. Unbeknownst to me at the time, that dream was going to form the basis of our first session. Sharon is a phenomenal dream interpreter, just one of the many gifts that she has to share, and after a thorough and inspiring dialogue I had uncovered many aspects of myself and was able to elevate my awareness and to shine light into some areas of darkness, recognizing imbalances in my energy field, discovering much about my psyche, meeting some inner orphans who want to be loved and given a chance to grow up, as well as many other personal insights and awakenings, which I hadn’t previously been aware of – it was incredibly liberating to explore my dream with such an aware and empowering guiding light. A few days later I was completely in awe when the notes from our session arrived in my inbox. I’m going to share those notes with you now because I feel they serve several important purposes: one, I am able to reveal what an amazing guide Sharon is! two – it presents me with an opportunity to be totally authentic and share some deeper aspects of my self, my psyche, and other awarenesses and personal revelations and also, someone else reading this post might have had similar life experiences and thus, the healing potential in sharing the notes I feel is quite profound ♡

So, let me introduce you to Sharon, the brilliant, the fabulous, the very insightful Empathic Guide….

Part two tomorrow

Empathic Guidance for schools – raising self-worth, one child at a time

Above and below you can see the wonderful posters designed to promote my Empathic Guidance school service by my fabulous friend Donna Hall.

I decided to offer Empathic Guidance sessions to schoolchildren after discussions with my daughter and her friends about many of the usual issues which affect young people such as bullying, body image and sexuality. The support and guidance which I gave them seemed to make a huge difference to their self-esteem and what I found particularly heartening was the fact that the coping techniques which they learned soon became second nature to them. This resulted in a positive increase in their intrinsic self-worth and in their ability to deal with difficult situations and ultimately (and delightfully),  in significantly happier children.

I strongly believe that it really doesn’t matter how gifted and talented or academically successful someone is – if their emotional well-being has been eroded and consequently their  core sense of self is significantly diminished then chances are they’ll end up leading dysfunctional lives. I also feel that the emotional well-being of our young people isn’t given enough attention within our current educational system, so I thought it might be a positive contribution to our society to offer a service which might redress the balance a little.

A school Empathic Guidance session will offer support, insight and guidance to the pupils  and will hopefully be a safe place for them to share any issues which they feel they cannot discuss with parents, teachers or peers. Initially I’ll be working on a one-to-one basis but I hope to offer group workshops covering topics such as assertiveness and confidence-building alongside Panda, the school’s youth worker. Panda is a really lovely, warm and caring woman with some really innovative ideas who has clearly won (and deservedly so)the trust and respect of the young people in the school, so I’m really looking forward to working with her on this project.

My dream is that Empathic Guidance will prove popular enough for us to offer sessions and workshops to other schools and that eventually emotional well-being will be recognised as an important part of our children’s upbringing and education. A youth “Self-Worth” revolution – now that really would be something worth fighting for.

Kobi – a lesson in acceptance and unconditional love

Kobi and Me

By Carolyn G Miller

Kobi was an Irish Setter puppy who belonged to my roommate Helga, and he was a holy terror. From the day he moved in, he began destroying everything he could get his paws and jaws on, every time he was left alone in the apartment. We’d come home after a day’s work to find curtains ripped off  windows; potted plants lying smashed on the floor; furniture gutted; and books and items of clothing chewed almost beyond recognition.

Helga, of course, felt terrible about inflicting this hellhound on me, but she loved the puppy to distraction, and couldn’t bear to give him away. Being an animal lover myself, I couldn’t help but sympathize. Anyway, we comforted ourselves, the problem was only temporary. It would soon stop as soon as she was able to train Kobi not to do these terrible things.

Helga assembled an impressive array of books on dog training, each of which guaranteed a well-behaved pet if one would only follow its recommended procedure religiously. No one could have been more conscientious than Helga, yet one technique after another failed. Kobi simply developed still more ingenious techniques for opening doors, getting into sealed garbage cans, and detaching breakable items from high shelves.

When Helga had to leave town for a week, I was left to carry on alone. The current technique hinged upon whipping the dog lightly with his leash for five minutes – no more, no less – in the presence of the mess he had made. The strokes were to be only symbolic taps. It was the duration of the punishment that was supposed to do the trick. I faithfully promised Helga to carry on in her absence.

I came in from a party late in the evening of the day she left, and there was that demon dog standing defiantly amid the wreckage as usual. My pleasant mood evaporated instantly. Dutifully I got out the leash, informed Kobi that he was a ‘bad dog’ and sat down on the floor to begin the whipping. Kobi just lay there beside me, submitting to this indignity with a sigh of resignation.

All I can tell you is that at some point in the five-minute process, I was simply overcome with shame and self-disgust. There was no getting around the fact that I had never liked Kobi – there wasn’t much to like as far as I could see. The quality of my life had deteriorated precipitously since he’d moved in. Still, it was pretty pathetic carrying a grudge against an animal. And now here I was whipping a dog who was obviously too stupid to learn to behave better.

Now, I knew I wasn’t hurting Kobi physically, but the whole thing just seemed so degrading! Ever since Kobi had come into our lives, he’d been doing mean things to us and we’d been doing mean things to him. He was still little more than puppy, yet his life had become variations on the themes of rejection and punishment!

And then it occurred to me that Kobi wasn’t going to change. It was time to face the fact that this was who Kobi was, and that as long as he lived in our apartment, this was wheat we could expect. Since I knew that Helga could not bear to give him up, and since I wanted to continue having her as a roommate, I was going to have to live with the problem too. So far as all of that was concerned, there was nothing I could do that I was willing to do.

But there was one thing I could change, I realised. I could change my attitude. I looked down at this miserable sinner of a dog, and felt my heart open up to him. Poor jerk – too stupid to learn not to chew things up – too stupid to avoid these tiresome punishements that punished Helga and me as much as they did him! I actually found myself weeping with compassion for this pathetic canine moron. I was unutterably ashamed of myself for having added to his misery.

I threw aside the leash and dragged Kobi’s huge bony head into my lap, sobbing out an apology I knew very well he couldn’t understand. “Kobi, I am so ashamed of the way I’ve treated you. You can’t help being the way you are, and if Helga and I aren’t going to give you away, we’re just going to have to accept you. Please forgive me for hitting you, and yelling at you, and hating you. I promise I’ll never do it again!”

By now the dog was alert, gazing into my eyes with real interest. “From now on, Kobi,” I continued “you just do any damn thing you want and I’ll deal with it. Tear the place up if you have to! I’m through trying to change you. I’m just going to try to learn to like you. And I’ll see if I can get Helga to give up on all this dog training stuff, too. We can’t make you do anything you don’t want to do when we aren’t here to control you. Not without hurting you a lot more than we’d be willing to do. So let’s just be friends, okay?”

Kobi panted up at me with that wide, clueless Irish Setter grin and I had to duck out of the way of a wet kiss. Following this exchange of civilities, I tidied up the mess – complimenting Kobi on the extremely thorough job he’d done on the wastebaskets – and took him out for a late run. In the morning when it was time for me to leave for work, Kobi walked me to the door as usual. “Okay, kiddo!” I said, giving him an affectionate ear ruffle. “Have at it! You might want to start with the sofa today. I think there might still be a little stuffing left in that middle cushion. See you later.”

When I climbed the stairs that evening it was with a sense of relief that I no longer had to upset myself about the mess Kobi would have made in my absence. But my front door opened on a very unfamiliar scene. There was Kobi standing in the middle of a perfectly clean, intact room. His head was up, and his tail was wagging. He looked me proudly in the eye and grinned. I burst into tears.

This “dog from hell” whose intelligence I had so often maligned, had responded to my friendly overture with one of his own. I suddenly realised that he had understood me very well the night before. His destructive behaviour had been his way of paying Helga and me back for withholding our love. We withheld love as a punishment to get him to stop destroying our stuff and he punished us for withholding it by destroying even more of our stuff. The problem wasn’t that Kobi was too stupid to understand what we wanted. He had always known exactly what we wanted him to do – he just wasn’t going to do it until we gave him what he wanted! Unconditional love.

I am happy to report that in the rest of the time Helga and I shared the apartment, Kobi was a model of canine decorum. It may seem strange that the change I had tried to extort from Kobi by force was given to me as a gift once I decided to accept him without conditions. But then, isn’t that the way it works? Even animals know better than to settle for conditional love.

Soulmates: Following Inner Guidance to the Relationship of Your Dreamsby Carolyn G Miller

Living without money – Native American wisdom

Before our white brothers came to civilize us we had no jails. Therefore we had no criminals. You can’t have criminals without a jail. We had no locks or keys, and so we had no thieves. If a man was so poor that he had no horse, tipi or blanket, someone gave him these things. We were too uncivilized to set much value on personal belongings. We wanted to have things only in order to give them away. We had no money, and therefore a man’s worth couldn’t be measured by it. We valued the exchange of love, so we did not deal in fear. We had no written law, no attorney or politicians, therefore we couldn’t cheat. We were in a really bad way before the white man came, and I don’t know how we managed to get along for millenniums without the basic things which, we are told, are absolutely necessary to make a current civilized society.

– Lakota Sage Lame Deer (from John Lame Deer, Seeker of Visions)

Waking From Sleep

This is an excerpt from Waking From Sleep: Why Awakening Experiences Occur and How to Make them Permanentby Steve Taylor, a book I would highly recommend if you feel you’ve had such an experience  or are just interested in finding out more. This excerpt is from the end of the book and outlines why waking up is important, not just for ourselves but for the human race as a whole, the Earth  and the universe. I also really like the explanation about the ‘universal force’ which sounds very similar to my theory about Universal energy – when so many of us are individually coming to the same conclusions, I feel it shows quite clearly that we’re hitting on some universal truths.

The Way to Wakefulness

by Steve Taylor

To wake up is the single most important thing we can do in our life. We need to wake up for our own sake, to become free of the illusion of separation and of the psychological discord which fills our life with suffering. We need to wake up so that we can stop squandering our life and our potential in discontent, anxiety and conflict. Spiritual development is the ultimate form of therapy, healing the underlying discontent and disharmony of the human psyche.

We need to wake up for the sake of the human race as a whole, in order to free ourselves from the social chaos and conflict that have blighted the last few thousand years of history. The only possibility the human race has of living in harmony – without warfare, inequality and the oppression ofwomen and different ethnic and social groups – is through transcending the overdeveloped ego. Only then will the impulse to accumulate wealth and gain power over other people disappear. Only then will we gain the ability to empathize with other people rather than mistrust or exploit them, to sense the shared essence which lies beneath the superficial differences of race or nationality.

We also need to wake up for the sake of the Earth. Indigenous peoples’ wakefulness meant that they revered and respected the natural world, but our state of sleep has meant that we’ve seen nature as nothing more than a supply of resources. We have lost native peoples’ awareness of the sacredness of nature and their sense of bondedness to it. As a result, we’re in the process of abusing the planet’s life-support systems beyond repair. The only sure way to avoid this catastrophe and learn to live in harmony with nature is to transcend our sense of separation from it and sense that it is alive and sacred.

And finally, we need to wake up on behalf of the universe. As the teachings of Tantra and other traditions tell us, the energy of our own being, our life-energy, is an influx of the essential energy of the universe. As philosphers such as David Chalmers and Galen Strawson suggest, consciousness may not be something produced by the brain, but a fundamental universal force, a quality which is ‘woven’ into the very fabric of reality’, and the main purpose of our brain may be to channel this universal consciousness into our individual being. Consciousness exists prior to and beyond the brain; our brain receives and transmits it, so that universal consciousness becomes our own individual consciousness.

Follow me on Twitter….

Readers of my blog can now enjoy daily snippets of Empathic Guidance by following my tweets on Twitter @empathicguide.

I look forward to welcoming you as a new follower.

Warmest wishes

Sharon

Empathic Guidance – a client’s view

As it’s the season of goodwill, I thought I’d show a little towards myself and share with you a wonderful testimonial I received from one of my clients. If this inspires you to seek some Empathic Guidance yourself or you feel like making some positive changes  to your life in the New Year, then do please contact me via www.empathicguidance.co.uk. to arrange a session. I will also be offering telephone sessions in the New Year (currently not available via my website) so do let me know if this woud be a preferable option for you.

Happy New Year to all my readers and I wish you all the very best of love and luck for 2011.

 

This post is to give mega kudos and a bit of a plug for Sharon Simpson over at Inner Simplicity with Empathic Guidance. I recently turned to her for a little guidance and I must say that it was money well spent. She helped me decide what I really want from life and I’d go so far as to say that my new blog and forays into writing a book are a result of my session with Sharon.

If you have any issues or worries that you are having trouble getting straight in your mind, give Sharon a go! She offers an unbiased angle that may often be lacking when we are too close to a problem.

Sharon is sensitive, insightful, eloquent and has a way of making you feel that she really cares about what you are telling her. She is tactful yet doesn’t pull her punches either. She helps you to face up to things that you may have been hiding from yourself, but she does so in a way that doesn’t make you feel dumb, rather the opposite.. she makes you realise it is okay to feel the way you do, and that it is also fixable!

Sharon also writes her own blog which can be found in her links and I have enjoyed reading her spiritual insights very much.

Go, look.. what have you got to lose?

 

Burnout Pt.3: Prevention and Cure

In the final part of our series on burnout, we explore some of the methods you can employ if you have recognised yourself in parts one and two, and feel that you may be suffering from this syndrome.

In order to recover from burnout, it’s important for you to commit fully to healing. There is no instant cure and you need to be aware that the healing process will take some time, depending on how far down the burnout path you’ve travelled. Clearly, the sooner you are able to spot these symptoms developing, the sooner you can turn your life and your general wellbeing around.

Be selfish!

This is the first and possibly the most important message to take on board if you are suffering from burnout. A good analogy is the advice given to parents during air travel, to put the oxygen mask on themselves first in an emergency so that they are then in the best position to help their child. In the same way, it’s vital for you to realise that you will not be fit to take care of anyone unless you first take care of yourself. So until you have recovered, it’s time to put you first for a change, beginning with your physical wellbeing.

Rest

In our busy and stressful society, so many of us believe it’s acceptable to operate on five or six hours sleep. However, if you are showing early signs of burnout, then it’s important to commit to getting a minimum of eight hours sleep a night and preferably at least 10. Going to bed early may feel like a drag, but is surely preferable to the alternative of running yourself so far into the ground that you’re unable to get out of bed at all.

Relaxation

Though it’s healthy to spend some of your leisure time enjoying your hobbies and pastimes, it’s also vital that you make time to practise specific relaxation techniques, such as meditation. Meditation doesn’t have to be complicated – try this simple breathing exercise. Take long slow breaths in and out, focusing solely on your breathing and saying silently to yourself  ‘in-two-three-four’ on the in breath, and ‘out-two-three-four’ on the out breath.

You could also try this simple relaxation exercise. Work your way down your body from head to toe, focussing on each body part. Tense that part for a few seconds, then release all the tension until it is completely relaxed, before moving onto the next part. You’ll probably be surprised at how much tension you’re already holding in your body.

Complementary therapies can also be very effective – I’ve found reflexology and reiki to be particularly beneficial. Massage of any kind, be it Indian Head massage, Swedish massage or aromatherapy with oils is also a wonderful way to relax and will help release any knots in those tense muscles.

Nourishment

When we’re heading towards burnout, we often find our diet suffers as we snack on fast foods or overdo the stimulants in an attempt to boost our energy levels. However our body is crying out for nourishment, so the best thing you can do for yourself is to give in to its demands. The best nutrition you can give your body at this time is vegetables, protein and unprocessed foods, as well as fibrous foods and healthy carbohydrates such as jacket potatoes, wholemeal bread and pasta and brown rice. Warm foods such as nutritious soups and stews are ideal in the winter months and salads are great for the summer.

You can also supplement your diet with a select range of vitamins and minerals. Particularly good ones are: multivitamins, B vitamins (especially B12), vitamin C, vitamin D, magnesium, calcium and zinc. Omega 3, co-enzymes and amino acids such as lysine are also good and a DHEA supplement (DHEA is a hormone produced by the adrenal glands) can also be beneficial. However, if you take prescribed medication, do consult your doctor first before taking any of these supplements.

As well as considering what we do ingest, it’s also worth being more vigilant about what we don’t. Sugar, salt and fats should be limited, and it’s best to avoid caffeine, nicotine, alcohol and recreational drugs whilst suffering from burnout.

Exercise

As mentioned in part two, too much exercise can be counterproductive, particularly if you’re already on the path to burnout. The key is gentle exercise – a short walk everyday or a few light chores would be more than adequate at this stage, beginning with maybe five minutes a day and increasing the time as your energy levels rise.

Back to nature

You can of course combine this with your daily exercise, particularly if you live in a rural area – a walk outside every day will do you the power of good. Alternatively, if you live or work in a more urban setting, a lunchtime stroll through a park can be just as effective.

Being out in the sunshine also helps, though I am aware that we don’t see much of that in the UK! However the best time of day to be outdoors in the colder months is still around midday, so that lunchtime stroll is well worth the effort.

Another positive thing you can do for yourself is to take a break in nature – perhaps an afternoon in the countryside or by the sea, relaxing in the natural world away from the hurly burly of modern life.

Time Management

Burnt out people often have way too much on their plate, so basic time management skills can really make a difference in your life. You could try: making lists to organise your time more effectively; delegating, by passing on some of your tasks to others (too many burnt out people are perfectionists who erroneously believe that no-one else can manage to do the job quite as effectively as they can); and taking regular breaks, e.g. for every hour of work, take a 10-15 minute break.

Eliminate EMFs

As mentioned in part two, and in particular for highly sensitive people, EMFS (as well as other forms of geopathic stress) can be a huge issue when it comes to burn out. If you feel these are affecting your health, try some of the following: turn off and unplug appliances when not in use; minimise computer and mobile phone usage; switch to an analogue phone (cordless ones are available); and if you live near mobile phone masts or pylons, consider moving if at all possible. (You can read more about this and about the effects of geopathic stress in the book You Can Heal Yourself: Bio-Energy and the Power of Self-Healing by Seka Nikolic.)

Find support

As we saw in part two, negative relationships of any kind can contribute to burnout. Shun those energy vampires and naysayers and spend some time with positive and supportive people who appreciate you. It can be tempting to withdraw from others when you’re burnt out, and whilst time spent alone can be beneficial (see my article on solitude), when you’re feeling low, you can easily lose perspective and become overly critical of yourself. Sharing a cuppa with a true friend can help you bring much needed clarity and levity into your life.

Dump your baggage

Whether it’s emotional, psychological, mental or physical baggage, clearing out the stuff in your life which is holding you back and dragging you down is always a positive move and extremely revitalising. For more on this, check out my articles on de-cluttering here and learn how to let go of those unwanted elements which belong firmly in the past.

Personal Development

Burning out can be the precursor to a time of positive transformation in our lives. One of the ways that we can facilitate this is by focussing on our personal development and learning new, more functional ways of being. Perhaps a lack of assertiveness has been an issue for you or maybe you’ve struggled with low self esteem. Take the time to explore who you really are and find out what you need to grow and transform yourself in a positive way. Reading through some of the entries in this blog could be a good place to start and there are many other resources similar to this which can be found across the internet and in libraries.

Learn the lesson

Finally, as I mentioned in part two, look for the lesson which your burnout is trying to teach you. Regaining your physical wellbeing, freeing yourself of your baggage, discovering your authentic self through personal development work and making the most of your supportive friends are all positive steps towards transforming your life by clearing the way for the voice of your intuition. By listening to this voice we can find out what it is our soul really needs and make our way back to our true path and our life purpose.

 

I hope this brief overview of burnout has been useful to you. If you feel you are suffering from burnout or possibly heading that way, or simply want some guidance on your personal development and finding your authentic self and your life purpose, then please contact me via the main website and book yourself an Empathic Guidance session for a one-to-one consultation with me.